Seasons of Sesshomaru
by tamarindblue
Summary: Sesshomaru had wondered why would his father lay his life for Inuyasha and his mother, and if he would do the same for him and his mother? His mind would always stray to what did his parents see in each other? Was it all power that drew them together then pushed them apart? In which Sesshomaru stumbles upon answers and learns a few things along the way


_**Seasons of Sesshomaru**_

He learns about love in the winter, although he could not name it then, he knows better now, decades and decades after, faces as frigid as ice he recalls ... bitterness ... bedsheets as cold as stone and hollow winds.

" _Milord is not coming tonight"_

 _His mother's face is as stoic as the white marble that stands in the hallways, her voice as level as it has always been_

" _I was not expecting him to"_

 _He could feel the white snow falling even heavier, denser than it has been._

' _Snow is enticing'_ he thought.

However, he would watch humans getting bit by snow, "Frostbite" his mother would tell him haughtily as she looked down on them, those fragile, conceited, incompetent beings.

He vows to himself then he would stay away from those unworthy frail humans and he would stay away from snow.

* * *

His father, the mightiest of warriors, wielder of Tessaiga and Tenseiga was utterly and completely pathetic.

"His heart has become weak and corrupted" his mother would say when he would ask her about him and his human consort.

She would refrain from meeting him those handful of times he would come, he would ask about her yet never seek her, never force her to come.

He would just keep preaching him about the humans, about compassion .. about weakness.

He would tell him about the half-blooded rascal, talk about him with such pride he had never bestowed upon him

"You mother's is enough" he would say "yet, don't take everything she says for granted"

"My mother is a mighty daiyoukai .. a warrior as rigid and proud as stone" Sesshomaru would calmly reply, a ferocious calmness that could freeze entire lands

"and that is exactly what I mean" his father would avert his eyes, cast them down towards the ground, the rotten earth from which humans originated.

He would grow as mighty and as proud as him mother, stoic and composed, never weak as his father or the hybrid fool he was plighted with as brother , the boy who was just as pathetic.

* * *

His father was gone.

And he could not help it but feel sad, he was his father after all and despite everything, he has been trying hard.

He knows that.

His mother goes around like usual, it is her eyes that change somehow. They are harder, colder, more withdrawn.

 _ **'When hasn't she been?' he muses**_

They don't talk much, they never do anyway .. he bids her farewell and sets off to acquire his father's swords But when he learns that his father had given one of his mighty swords to the bastard Inuyasha, something within him freezes, his façade is the same glazed mirror, betraying nothing of the rage, the jealousy he feels, the treachery .. he has given him the strongest sword, the half human … to protect humans like himself and his mother, those loathsome pests... he has robbed him of his rightful sword, stole his pride and gave it to the bloody Inuyasha.

The half-witted fool who has been chained for years to a tree, snow and wind falling onto his back because of a worthless Miko.

* * *

He had heard stories growing up about his legendary parents … the love they shared, the wars they waged, the youkais they conquered ... invincible he would hear " _Just as invincible as you are"_

He couldn't fathom then how could they win battles yet they never could save their own marriage

He would hear whispers, words littering the realms "Selfish" "Selfless" "Cold" "unapologetic"

"Selfish" "Unapologetic" would ring most.

* * *

He would learn of Sara Asano at the end of winter when the ice would thaw.

He never really knew the stranger ... maybe he knew her music but not the human who desired him so much that she would give herself away to have him for herself!

'Selfish' 'Selfless' would echo.

She would apologize, sincerely for the harm she caused

He would not mull much upon it although momentarily something within him ripples just a little.

He can't be getting the same sickness as his father before.

* * *

Rin, he meets her in spring, a young blossom, susceptible … naïve, vulnerable and weak yet warm, so warm that she scalds and burns a tiny hole in his shell.

' _ **So unlike Mother'**_

She crept up on him and leeshed before he knew it.

He wonders if this is how his Father was caught off guard in the first place by Dainty, scrawny things that break so easily.

* * *

He should have let her drown in the first place.

He learns about loss in the Autumn with the tumultuous wind bellowing in his ears.

He watches a desperate Kagura , now with a heavy resigned heart, with such cold eyes akin to his mother's, hardened by sorrow and grief, He helplessly watches for the second time Kagura disintegrate into nothing but particles, invisible particles floating and dispersing away from him, against every force holding the pieces of earth together.

like he watched his parents' marriage, except he feels something, he knows what it is and it sears this weak cracked ice around his soul and burns through him.

White petals fly around them like snow.

 _ **'Is that how she felt when he walked away from her?**_

 _ **Is that how she felt when he died?'**_

It is such a bitter freedom she earnt. A heart! Kagura intrigued him, why would such a sharp, strong, poisonous daemon want something so fickle, so humane as a heart or as freedom?

And after all this toil, Could she have willingly given it up for ... Love? For Hi...?

he doesn't finish the thought for

how could he have felt that deeply for her without even knowing or realising? How could such icy person feel for him?

"I saw you … one last time"

She smiles for one last time, such a defeated bittersweet smile .. no malice, no gloat or mockery.

The sword changes, so does his heart ... it changes or shatters for whatever matters, he doesn't care.

Right now, he does not want any.

The ice around them wasnot cold enough, after all ice and snow are quite relevant.

* * *

His mind would always stray to his parents , what did they saw in each other? Was it all power that drew them together then pushed them apart?

Until that day when He learnt that his mother had a heart , when he conceded as to ask for her help to revive Rin.

He knew it was a fruitless attempt but the last in his quiver ... he couldn't just let her die again .. Tessaiga was not responding and he had to.

' _ **She would never help a human'**_

Yet, she did.

and it leaves a number of questions hanging between them, mother and child

' _ **Could she have possibly forgiven him?'**_

" _You know I have always loved you, I always do, even when I had to let go, before every bridge was burnt, every string severed"_

 _She didn't respond, she merely craned her neck away as he turned his back and flew off._

That was the first time he had seen his mother shed tears .. after his father left.

And This would be the last time they would talk to each other right before his demise.

 _ **'He is starting to resemble his father more everyday" She noted.**_

 _ **'He had always been his father's son, even when he didn't want to**_ '

she wouldn't make the same mistakes.

* * *

It is the cusp of winter.

He learns to let go when he allows Kohaku to wed Rin.

he is happy.

The anger towards his father, the guilt over Kagura's death, the Jealousy and resentment against Inuyasha, he had let go.

"Selfless" he heard an echo.

Sesshomaru had wondered why would his father lay his life for Inuyasha and his mother, and if he would do the same for him and his mother.

He knows why, he knows his father would have done the same for him.

" _We are family, never forget it Sesshomaru"_

And as the wind blows, caressing his face and blessing the newlyweds, as the flutes whistle in mirth along the voices of laughter coming from Rin, Kohaku and Inuyasha's brood

He thinks he might just do the same.


End file.
